5 lessons for the Workplace

Story: 1
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" Certainly,"
said
the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO. As his
paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything



Story: 2
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
window:
"I want to open a damn checking account." To which the astonished woman
replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What
did
you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking
account
right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
language in this bank." Having said this, the teller leaves the window
and
goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be
the problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man
says.
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a
damn
checking account in this damn bank!" "I see," says the manager
thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a
hard
time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.




Story: 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
when
the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are
you?"
Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated,
then
yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese,
Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I
am a
Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked
what
kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you
mean
what kind of '-key' am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee,
donkey,
or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.



Story: 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a French,
who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,
he
said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a
wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want
the
pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted
"WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
was
so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's
turn,
he did the same andshouted," VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of
vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
contented with his beer pool. The last is the British. He was running
towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped
towards the pool and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes
what
you say accidentally does happen.



Story: 5
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They
rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is
granted
three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the
eager
senior manager shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the
Bahamas,
on a fast boat and have no worries for a month. "Pfufffff, and he is
gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouts, "I want to be
in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails for a
month."
"Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's turn, and he says
calmly, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".